I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
