Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
