I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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