I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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