I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
