My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
