I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
