do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
