Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
