i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
