If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
