we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
