i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
