i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
