The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
