hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
