The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
