I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
