Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
