She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
