Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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