i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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