I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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