We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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