Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
