mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I forgot how hot balto sounded
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
