yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
