I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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