Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
