anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
