I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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