Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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