so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Of course I have a pirate flag
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
