Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
