Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
