who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
