You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
