i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Randomize
