Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
