Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
