I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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