its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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