ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just cropdusted the office
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
