hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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