You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
