You're a womanizer and a bitch.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
