you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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