I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just pee around me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
