Ketchup is God's man juice
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
