i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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